1. I don't want to wipe a single a** all day. I think all kids should have to hold in their poop in on Mother's Day. Now that would make it special.
2. I want brunch. But not with the whole frigging family. I want brunch with my other mommy friends. See ya, rugrats.
3. I want to sleep in. But not with my hooligans shouting "MOMMYYYYYY!!!" at the top of their lungs.
4. I want a card. But not a stupid Hallmark card. I want one of those awesome homemade ones made with macaroni. Only I want the macaroni cooked and poured into a bowl and covered with a delicious cream sauce and paired with a giant bottle of red wine.
5. Jewelry jewelry jewelry. Unless it's one of those stupid necklaces made with cheap plastic beads.
6. I want you to cook breakfast for me. In someone else's kitchen.
7. I want to pee and poop alone.
8. I want chocolate. But not just any ole chocolate. I want the kind that someone has taken a fat Sharpie to and blacked out the F'ing calorie section.
9. I want a good present. Like one I'll really like.
10. I want ten "Leave me the f**K alone" coupons with no expiration date.